Monkey's Paw Thread

Wish granted but you are born with multiple defects such as being blind and deaf.

I wish I could never feel pain.

Granted, but after many years of living without pain, old age eventually takes over, and there's nothing you can do about it.

I wish I want to be more popular.

Granted, but then Lady Luck betrays you, and on your first week of work, you feel super tired continuously, your boss finds out, and got fired.

I want a longer stay in Gensokyo.

Wish granted but since you neglected to make any specifications you are confined to Cirno's frozen lake for the extended duration of your stay.

I wish that I could fly.

Your wish is granted, but you can't control where your wings take you, inevitably slamming into a high-rise building with a splat.

I wish I can buff everyone's confidence levels to the maximum.

Wish granted, but your music is so emotionally pure that it makes others feel intensely what you feel. They hear your angry music, they get murderous; your sad music, they get suicidal; your happy music, manic beyond recovery.
Also all the tea is lukewarm

Okay, um... I wish for my programming skills to be taken to the max!

Granted! And indeed, you usher in a new era of automation and artificial intelligence. But not everyone's willing to regard machines as people, which leads to the Omnic Crisis happening in real life.

I wish I had a pint of ice cream. Preferably banana flavor.

Your wish is granted, but the hot sun melts it long before you even taste it.

I wish I want to kiss a cute magical girl from Mitakihara.

Granted, but you have to spend an eternity serving your master until you can't cope with it no more.

I wish for a utopian society.

Granted! And indeed it's a utopia, so long as you stay in your lane. Anyone who objects is pumped full of painkillers and psychedelics till they're happy again.

I wish I were fluent in Hawaiian Pidgin. ^^

You can speak Pidgin fluently, but realize that the literature of the language is unfortunately small.

I wish that I had the power of Bhishma, where I can live as long as I want and choose whenever I want to die. A good foolproof for the old "you have immortality but become bored and lonely and spend all your time wishing for death" trick. Let's see how you can screw me out of this one, monkey's paw!

The Universe you live in will find its own way of dealing with such a powerful wish you made by ripping itself apart or imploding back into singularity at a speed many times faster than light as soon as we discover the truth about dark matter. When the realization does come rearing its head, either the temperature of space reaches absolute zero K meaning you will not even be able to move at all, or your godlike durability cannot even handle near infinite degrees K, effectively disintegrating you. If that's not enough, then perhaps any black hole you run into would swallow you whole without mercy, spaghettifying you.

Your wish is rendered null and void. Sorry, buddy.

I then steal your wish and say I want to make people's lives happier and cheerful. <3