Make one of your favorite games sound as shitty as possible

2AMPE wrote

A console to PC port so shitty that you can't even play it with mouse & keyboard, and it only plays in 30fps. Multiplayer is a big part of the game's experience, but most of the time it doesn't even work. It's a miracle if you manage to connect to someone. The first half of the game is a walking simulator. If you go to the wrong place early on and set a respawn point there, you're fucked, because you won't be able to come back out. Around halfway through, you get the ability to teleport between some of the respawn points, so it becomes a little less of a walking simulator. But then the bosses get so powerful that you need the help of other players. But multiplayer is broken, so jolly co-operation is out. Oh and if you upgraded the wrong equipment and are out of resources to upgrade the good equipment - you either tediously grind or fire up Cheat Engine and save time by giving yourself the stuff. That being said, there's no cheat protection.

There's a DLC too. It contains bosses so overpowered, that you'll straight up use god mode, no fucks given. Unless you're the masochistic type or lucky enough to connect to a player willing to help you.

Dark Souls

I thought DS was one of the better made games

It's a ugly game with 16*16 textures, no goal, it's made of blocks and all the community is 10. The most dangerous creature is a green pixel monster that explodes, then you cry bcs it has destroyed your shitty house.

(Minecraft)

I would say the toughest single-player game of my whole life, and the one that gave me many memories.
 
Long story short: You are a hero born with the body of a mortal, but having the soul of a dragon. A dragon attacks you moments before you're set for execution, for no explicit reason. After escaping the fire of an abandoned village, it is clear that the prophecy was set in motion; you are to stop the dragon that started it all from destroying the planet and all of its inhabitants with its soul-snaring powers by any means necessary.
 
How it got this bad: Dying... and mentioning of death... a LOT. They put a lot of lore into everything, and every single action I did in many of my short-lived timelines makes me shiver when NPCs talk about my recent experiences. No matter what difficulty level I set from the get-go, enemies will inevitably catch up and instantly one-shot me long before I even charge forward to deliver a killing blow. Followers cannot do a good job at higher levels, they go down in one or two hits, making me either finish their job, or perform euthanasia on them. I take no prisoners.
 
The music is horrible, and so does combat itself. It does not give me the true feeling of being a magical girl with a dragon's soul going about exterminating evil, and I cannot even play an instrument or sing a song whilst mute! :sniff: Travel time is ridiculously long, you have to spend days trying to reach your goal, only to get clawed in the back by a sabre cat, eaten by a dragon, or sent into outer space by a giant's cudgel, and I think that's it. -_-

Skyrim

Zee Quality wrote

Aliens keep get themselves killed out of senselessness and stupidity, while the player is just an abstract entity that isn't even really acknowledged in the game's fluff.

Creatures 3/Docking Station

"Push elevator. Kisspop. Push door. Death. What am I even doing here?"

As for mine:

You watch as seven dwarves get drunk and build themselves a home, only for it to be overrun by immigrants and fell beasts.

It's a JRPG, you can turn into a dragon. If you turn too much you die and it's game over. You can continue with your levels and stuff but it's still horrendously hard.

Redview County wants to be turned into a 'police state', and because of their newfound ability to start pursuits at any time they wish, this made me think of this:
No matter what I do as a Racer, I'll get busted even when I'm under the speed limit! It only takes roughly 45 mph at minimum theoretically to make them angry enough to think that I'm speeding when I'm actually not, and it doesn't stop there. Even if I evaded the initial pursuit, they'll eventually find me again at some point and start another chase, often in groups of pairs or even five if unlucky. Heck, I'm even forced to help out other Racers or have to turn tail and flee, but it's almost always futile.

Patrol cars can catch up to you even at 225 mph thanks to their highly tuned top speed and acceleration stats, and can turn on sirens the moment they show up on your radar.
Enforcer cars will PIT you mercilessly whether you fight back or not, and they're built to survive several high speed crashes and Pursuit Tech hits.
Undercover cars don't show up on your radar until they're close enough to turn on their sirens.
There's now a double roadblock, meaning you now have to dodge the same roadblock twice, particularly at high heat levels.
The newly improved heli can now zip around more freely, can turn on a dime, do two spike runs in one go, and if you're on a wide enough open shortcut, they'll lay one down and ruin your chances of escaping.

On the Cop side, if you don't keep up with the suspect, you have around 15 to 20 seconds to reacquire your target, or you'll abort pursuit, regardless of Heat Level, and it can be very frustrating for Interceptor missions.

Once you completed your first playthrough for either side, beating subsequent playthroughs simply puts you back to free roam, forcing you to find a Hideout or Command Post to end the session.

Moreover, the developers that made the game wanted to merge singleplayer and multiplayer together, so once on the road, pausing won't work. Any SP earned during any session the very moment you're wrecked or busted will be lost, whereas the cops will take them all for themselves and use it to fund their own upgrades. You'll get a chance to listen to race-related music when doing race events, but it's very rare. Pursuit music on the other hand tends to mix up every time cops reacquire you, or as a cop whenever you reacquire your target.

And finally, the bugs and glitches... yes, there's quite a few of them, ranging from traffic stopping for no reason, cops having trouble finding you sometimes in shortcuts, to your screen's color palette getting inverted if you somehow crash your vehicle below the terrain. Since it runs on Frostbite 3, the high amount of processing power will eventually freeze your game if you play the game too long.

Need for Speed: Rivals

Every fighting game with an AI that can pull off moves faster than me on a penny, and the Soul Calibur series shows no remorse.

Soul Calibur II: You cannot have a perfect record on all your characters that you used (you just cannot, seriously), and you have to beat Weapon Master twice. The first go is reaching the other side of the map (east) under leveled and with fewer weapons, and the second go is to finish the extra missions with even harder stage conditions. After that, you then have to unlock all of the menu options, stages, and characters. Depending on which version you have, you have a different bonus character from another game that you can use.

Soul Calibur III: In this one, you have a lot more to do than the last one, but you get to have a ton of fun for a long while. You get to experience every single character's story even more by playing as each of them, including some new characters. However, if you want to beat up Night Terror and not Abyss, you have to follow a set path without losing once or ringing out, and man up your skills against perfect-play AI in certain bonus stages with conditions, which you can't easily beat 95% of the time. Especially in the Labyrinth that is a one-way, you lose you're out of here route. If somehow you're extremely lucky, Night Terror rips you up a complete new dimension of what it means to be a player in a fighting game.
Oh, it even gets even more interesting with the RNG factor for AI skill in World Competition, where you have to sit through three to four hours of no saving, no choice of choosing a name, no SE, and not even your created characters for 12 rounds, 7 matches each. In Tour mode, you cannot ever lose a single match the whole way, and you have 3 chances to beat each random opponent. In League mode, while you are able to lose matches, you still have to reach 1st not only by beating more matches than your opposition seed, but you also have a better battle count, because there will be some better opponents being able to climb up the rankings easily. In the later rounds and from some opponents, the AI ramps up to a point you just have to give up and retry or rage quit. You get lots of cool stuff along the way and plenty of in-game gold to spend with if you win all 12 rounds.
With the new Chronicles of the Sword, there is no way you can perfect your runs, and speed running with care is a necessity to win some tougher missions. Getting the fabled weaponry with four effects is a big deal, it can cost roughly 50,000 to 100,000 and acquiring disciplines early on can be a chore. Soul Arena is another layer of adding up the difficulty, if you cannot handle the clichéd AI playstyle, then you are not worthy of getting the gold on all of the 12 missions.
Finally yet importantly is the Tutorial section where you have to master every single character's moves the game tells you to do in order to get the purple-white livery Ancient weapons, though they look cool as a skin, it’s just aesthetic in nature.

Soul Calibur V: Things have gotten a lot darker in this new game, and sadly, there isn't much you can do unless you're planning to go online and earn some cool achievements, rewards, and better ranks. With the Malfested plague becoming more prevalent across the world, yet due to time constraints as far as every Soul Calibur fan knows, the Story Mode returns yet again with Patroklos, a hero from Greece who is trying to return home but faces numerous obstacles along the way. You also get to control her sister, Pyrrha, and you get to have two forms with both of them as separate characters, along with Z.W.E.I. There aren't that many characters and stages in this era of Soul Calibur, so your options there are limited. The AI at first in the story doesn't get the better of you until you're about nearly the end where the difficulty spikes to a new level, but can be beatable. Don't you even dare try Legendary Souls mode, only a godlike player with extremely fast button mashing powers can defeat them, and even then, the AI can mash buttons and pull off difficult moves right away the instant a match starts. In this game since IV, you can no longer guard as much as you used to before, because now you have a defense meter, and you can't GI or GB the enemy until you have sufficient energy to do so, encouraging you to play in a more aggressive, reckless manner to beat your opponents. They make the inputs for guard impacting, guard breaking, and Critical Edges a bit harder to minimize abuse of these moves, but the AI can pull those off easily if they have the required energy. Lastly, if you are one battle away from victory, expect your opponent to power up one full Critical Edge bar for massive damage on you to make a comeback. You won't get gold in this, but you level up instead to unlock stuff, even if you lose battles.

Oh, and did I forget to mention that in SCV, given the new clothing system, you have to prepare to resist the temptation to feel ashamed and look away if your character's clothing or your opponent's gets too damaged after a powerful enough blow upon defeat that it makes a breaking snap sound. This also applies in Practice Mode during customization when you're testing out your new characters against Edge Master as the test A.I.

You don't so much play it, as you keep hot-swapping mods till you get bored and uninstall.

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. Still a great game, IMO.

Five men each speaking different languages with five completely different team strategies team up against another five man team of similar composition.

Together, they gradually become more and more angry with one another until all human communication breaks down. The game ends when the first player leaves, causing the opposing team to win.

Dota 2

I can't do this thread. It's too hard to say bad things of me fav games t.t

It's basically The Sims meets Stardew Valley, only with 100% more organ harvesting. I maintain a colony populated by you guys. ^_^