Make one of your favorite games sound as shitty as possible

You're a grumpy old leather bag who lost his young Jason-like, and 3000 years in the future your clone goes on an ignorant rampage with a hotheaded herm, a weaponized skeleton shota, and a book. This PS2-looking PS3 game will make your save data scream in anguish.

You and a couple of friends survive a bioweapon and travel across the galaxy incomprehensibly and somehow find the person that did it.  Also has standard gladiator arena somewhere.

Star Ocean: The First Departure

Torn straight offa TV Tropes.

Eight ladies (and two gentlemen) beat the living tar out of each other to gain an artifact who will grant them a wish but also turn them into an Eldritch Abomination.

Characters include a schoolgirl whose must notable feature is her unruly hair, a circus performer with a nice hat, a cartoon geek, a woman whose weapon of choice is her umbrella, a catgirl (so all you furries have a great time, now), another schoolgirl who never stops screaming during gameplay, a opera starlet, a retired pro wrestler, and a man who depends on an iron lung in a fighting game. The main villain is a French Maid, the Co-Dragons are a nurse and a nun, and other villains include a man who is never shot in focus and a lounge singer.

Skullgirls 

So, basically you run around a lot. But a lot of people don't want you to run around so much, so some politician wants to do good shit for your pals, but someone kills him and for some reason everyone thinks it was your sister. So to save her you run around a lot and in the end you kick some guy out of a helicopter and the day is safed, even so all of that didn't do Jack for the situation they're in.

Mirror's Edge (the antagonist is called Jack btw, so that's a pun that happened)

You capture and torture animals and force them to fight each other, some times you get really weird with it and make the different species have sex with each other.
pokemon

Youre a 100% tacti-cool operator running into hails of gunfire trying to kill gooks, and then you get sniped by someone 1000 metres away. Repeatedly.
Battlefield 3 and 4

You're a spy-wannabe rebelliant using his dumbly enforced sneaky beaky tactics to put the technical revolution to a halt by producing deadlier mechas yourself. You also recrute loli soldiers so you can force them to have sex with you.
Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker

You're a guy that doesn't speak, who whacks things with a crowbar and runs faster backwards than forwards.
Half-life 2

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You also recrute loli soldiers so you can force them to have sex with you.

You're supposed to make the game sound bad.

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You're supposed to make the game sound bad.

Well you can go to jail for it!
And they kinda don't show the precise sex scenes so it's no different than usual under-cardbox crabbing.

You are either a terrorist or a counter terrorist, your main means of transport is hopping from place to place. Despite being sent into combat you have to buy your own weapons out in the field even then you don't actually aim with your weapons, you only hipfire and hope for the best. Luckily your enemies are in the same situation so there isn't much to worry about.

You are a badass warrior who can slay 100's and 100's of dragons, but you usually end up selling seeds for money. When you want to make real money, you usually do something like going over to a body of water and repeatedly click on a puddle 3 inches away from shore, and spearfish entire multi-ton sharks, until you have 28, that you then put in your backpack and take to the bank, where the bank teller just kinda puts your sharks with your other 738 sharks and 147958 shrimp.

Lokorfi wrote

You're a goddamn hipster. Everyone around you is fucking weird or bitchy as fuck. You find out you can rewind and kill your best friend over and over.

>Steins;Gate

also fuck you

Victory wrote

You are a badass warrior who can slay 100's and 100's of dragons, but you usually end up selling seeds for money. When you want to make real money, you usually do something like going over to a body of water and repeatedly click on a puddle 3 inches away from shore, and spearfish entire multi-ton sharks, until you have 28, that you then put in your backpack and take to the bank, where the bank teller just kinda puts your sharks with your other 738 sharks and 147958 shrimp.

Runescape was my childhood. My REALLY early childhood.

tn5421 wrote

Lokorfi wrote

You're a goddamn hipster. Everyone around you is fucking weird or bitchy as fuck. You find out you can rewind and kill your best friend over and over.

>Steins;Gate

also fuck you

Victory wrote

You are a badass warrior who can slay 100's and 100's of dragons, but you usually end up selling seeds for money. When you want to make real money, you usually do something like going over to a body of water and repeatedly click on a puddle 3 inches away from shore, and spearfish entire multi-ton sharks, until you have 28, that you then put in your backpack and take to the bank, where the bank teller just kinda puts your sharks with your other 738 sharks and 147958 shrimp.

Runescape was my childhood.  My REALLY early childhood.

>also fuck you

Try not to bulli please.

Also, I believe he was talking about Life is Strange.

A small to large group of god killers band together to defeat some bad guy (typically a green or red bad guy) for some scraps of cloth and pieces of his armor

you become a parkour person something that's 100% useless when it comes down to why you did it, even seeing all of your loved ones suffering from it. your best friend becomes your worst enemy, and a shitload of sliding in sewage.

You can play a variety of diffrent little kids or demons from the bible who cry to fight off monsters and break down poo.
They also pick up stuff they find in their mom's basement like a gimp mask and pills.

Binding Of Isaac/Binding Of Isaac: Rebirth

It's just another stupid fucking adventure game. You're some kind of elf wearing a dress trying to save a princess from a black guy. How original. You can't even jump. You spend most of your time just running around a massive patch of grass because there's no way to warp until later in the game. All the characters are just annoying pricks who make you run around and do their chores or bully you. Especially you're goddamn companion, who never shuts the fuck up.

Ocarina of Time.

wind wrote

It's just another stupid fucking adventure game. You're some kind of elf wearing a dress trying to save a princess from a black guy. How original. You can't even jump. You spend most of your time just running around a massive patch of grass because there's no way to warp until later in the game. All the characters are just annoying pricks who make you run around and do their chores or bully you. Especially you're goddamn companion, who never shuts the fuck up.

Ocarina of Time.

>You can't even jump.

thats a damn lie there sonny