Make one of your favorite games sound as shitty as possible

You're a lazy salesman and a total prick who ends up in a shitty hotel while trying to search for your ex-NYPD partner. While searching for clues, you get to know all sorts of annoying people and is basically forced to interact with them to advance in the story. Expect an avalanche of text.

Hotel Dusk: Room 215

you play as some midget and the levels are almost indistinguishable

13 days later

you play as some ugly prisoner who ends up helping to kill some goblins, lizards, guys who wear red robes, and a big red guy
also this mildly irritating blonde kid follows you about
by azura by azura it's the grand champion

You're some sort of conjurer who has complete control over a slave. You pit this slave in a team verse team battle, with 4 comrades, and 5 enemies. No matter how many times the slave dies a horrible, painful death they are respawned moments later to fight again, and face yet another excruciatingly painful death. Some conjurers are sadists who prefer to leave their slaves at home base, letting them observe their teammates dying over and over again in an unfair battle that they'll most likely inevitably lose. The destruction of either teams diamond signals the end of the battle, and the one with their diamond still intact is labelled the winner. Conjurers also purchase costumes for their slaves as to mock them in front of the other conjurers. Often times conjurers will forget about slaves after they under perform due to certain changes the conjurers make.

League of Legends

5 days later

"All, Move 100 meters to tree, north-east!"
"Enemy rifleman, 200 meters south!"
"4,5,6 engage enemy rifleman"
gunshot
"4 is down!"
gunshot
You are dead.

And all of this happens while you are hiding in a bush with no idea what is going on.

I'll give you three guesses.

You have to do a bunch of errands every day for a week and then promptly commit suicide at the end of the week because your wife is pissed that you forgot to buy her Rocky Road ice cream.

numba34 wrote

"All, Move 100 meters to tree, north-east!"
"Enemy rifleman, 200 meters south!"
"4,5,6 engage enemy rifleman"
gunshot
"4 is down!"
gunshot
You are dead.

And all of this happens while you are hiding in a bush with no idea what is going on.

I'll give you three guesses.

Arma 2/3

I have problem to even call it a game, since most of the time all you do is reed – way to long – text on the screen. Occasionally, you have some options to pick, but they don't really matter – this "game" is completely linear anyway.
You would hope at least plot is good, but it quite difficult to enjoy solving crimes, when every single character you meet is retarded.
And it's full of paranormal bullshit. How can it be all about logic, when you assistant is an actual spirit medium?

>Kill 16 monsters to bring your girl back from the dead.
>You're the real monster.

you play as an emotionally neutered teenager, the best character dies and there's only one dungeon in the game.

You go to visit your lying cousin. He spends most of the time not shutting the fuck up.

You get bored of videogames, and subsequently it's stil the newest one you've played.

All you do is shoot aliens with various weapons and get shouted at by an angry warden and a crazy artificial lady.

a month later

Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords

A dark and edgy take on a beloved franchise that picks apart everything that made the original installments amazing. Companions include some preachy old woman, a good-for-nothing scoundrel, a droid whose only purpose in the prequel was to open a door, and a floating sphere that resembles an anarcho-capitalist edgelord crossed with the HAL 9000. Its mediocre sale figures convinced the developers to turn the sequel into a shitty free-to-play MMO.

You're a black guy from the hood who hates everybody and can be a little over protective on his ugly ass ghetto hooker dressing sister.
GTA San Andreas

You are some gruff, emotionless dude who crouches around in government laboratories and other such conspiracy theory bullshit killing people and smashing up their bodies. Your annoying brother really wants you to use the stun prod because he's a pussy who can't kill people without feeling guilty. The ending's all "le 2 d33p 4 U" and all the Asian voice actors sound like shit.

16 days later